What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 00:57
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How Can AI Researchers Save Energy? By Going Backward. - Quanta Magazine
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
How do you handle family members who ask for handouts?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
AI Is Upending the Job Market, Even at AI Companies Like Anthropic - Business Insider
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Beef cattle disease found in southeast Iowa herd, first time seen in state - weareiowa.com
I could never make a relationship work though!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Sea cucumbers may help slow the spread of cancer, and without the side effects - Earth.com
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
In the Belly of This Beast, a Major Find - Newser
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She found it foreign!.
Apple releases new iOS 26 beta 1 build to developers - 9to5Mac
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So whats the point in blame.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Are narcissists happy people generally?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
China consumer prices slump again, deepening deflation worries as demand stays weak - CNBC
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My life is so biszare .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She wouldn,t have been !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She loved him until the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I think the readers, may guess!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She married twice! .
What did i know ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
When she asked me how she looked .
We were not on the streets..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I write beautiful poetry .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
And i lived it daily.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I don,t even have a pension.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He knew the spot.
But it wasn’t much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I will be 64.
This is soul school!.
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I said to her
So, i spoilt her more .
All the time i was locked up.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.